I wish I knew how to enact long term balance. I think I'm really good at balancing for a while, and then there comes a point when I end up overwhelmed. From there I end up grumpy and somewhat resentful that I'm so worried, tired, overbooked and overwhelmed. Then I end up enacting measures to save the world from me and my bad attitude, which can be equally as stressful and tiring, but more often lonely! Sigh.
I'm just working through my return from Africa when my body decides to take a dump on me, a windshield breaks, a rear car hatch breaks, a cochlear implant breaks, a child has more medical procedures, an air conditioning unit breaks, a job opportunity goes sour, family hurts. I feel like Sisyphus. This is my life, like a skipping record (for those of you too young to remember records, I apologize, but feel strangely sorry for you too!).
I'm not questioning trials (maybe I'm just not rejoicing in them enough?) but come on - doesn't there seriously have to be a break sometime? Truly God has a point here, but after 12 years, it would seem He would have made it by now! I want to scream at Him to show me what I'm missing in all this - I must be an Israelite in modern skin because I just don't get it! I'm fairly certain the feeling of frustration is mutual between God & I. 
Gosh, it's hard to believe that I haven't posted yet this week not because I've been too busy, but because it's been a slow week, with not much to share! With only 2 ball games, teaching, a doc appointment, hair cuts, board meeting and Todd umpiring - we have 2 free evenings! Both of the oldest have finished their baseball & softball for this summer. Both of them loved playing ball this summer, even if neither one had the 1st place team - they learned a lot and Sis can't wait for the new season to start in September! They leave for camp next Monday & Beebo will have us all to himself. He's quite excited about that, but did tell Wy "I can't believe you are leaving me for a week again!" He really does luv his big bro.
Only 4 weeks left of this quarter teaching HR Management - my favorite class to teach. Next quarter I'm teaching Intro to Business. I like teaching that too, but beginning students are often different than those students who are nearing the end of their degree and have often developed good study and participation habits. The entry level classes can be like pulling teeth to get those freshmen to participate! Good thing I like challenges :)
Yesterday I went to the doctor to make sure I'm still cancer free and get some bloodwork done. Results should be in tomorrow. The best part of this appointment was running into a good friend & hubby who are nearing the end of their pregnancy. They were also there for an appointment. I told them I was there to go to their appointment with them and hear all about the sono report... it was fun briefly while she totally bought it! Here's to an easy last week of pregnancy and delivery HW & RW! Can't wait to meet AEW!!
If our life was a magazine, this week's cover tag lines would look like this:
Simpsons - off the market!
What's that rash?
Want a slug free garden - here's how!
Buy glasses for 3 children and not go broke!
5 year olds - what can you do?!
How well can you keep secrets?
Fun, huh? You should try it with your life.
So, yes, we took our house off the market. I hate everything about that, but it's just not moving and it's too much work to keep it "show" quality. I've begrudgingly resigned myself to living here indefinitely :(
On a happier note, my Mystery African Rash has finally started clearing up. It only took 13 days AFTER I stopped my medication to go away. Let me tell you how nice it is not to wear turtlenecks in the summertime!!
The slugs seem to have dissipated. Oh, did I forget to tell you about those? Ooey gooey slimey slugs infested my front yard while I was in Africa. Todd & I went on slug sprees 2 nights in a row. Apparently they love night time, hostas and beer. One of those things does not sustain slug life - I'll let you guess which one. Now I'm not a mean person and I love God's creatures but I have found that I do not so much love greenery devouring slugs. So, I fed them beer and they seem to be gone.
After a visit to the eye doctor, it was discovered that all 3 kids need glasses... all for different reasons. Sis has had them for a year, but her prescription changed significantly so we needed new lenses. Both boys needed them - one for distance, one for close up. Gulp. 3 prescriptions?!? Wal-mart Optical Center to the rescue! I walked out with new Transitions lenses for Sis and full lenses and frames for both boys for under $200! yay me!
5 year old boys are challenging. He has what I have dubbed Extreme Boynergy. He moves constantly. He makes noises. He is dirty. He loves bodily functions. But he's also the baby... so, being a semi-only/oldest child myself, can I ask - does being the youngest automatically mean (insert annoying whiny voice here) "IT'S NOT FAIR!"? "it" being anything and everything of course. NOTHING is his fault. EVERYONE provokes him. Although, I will admit, he is clever... "I'm not eating candy & hiding the wrappers under my bed - I'm feeding the monster under my bed so he won't eat me" and that makes me laugh which ultimately saves him from being devoured by an angry mother.
And then this blog - I want to journal everything, but I can't because people actually read this. Sometimes I want to share possibilities and ask opinions, sometimes I want to vent about things, sometimes I just want. Eh, maybe someday.
Overheard at Grammy & Papa's house:
Papa talking to Chet, his cat - "Hi Stinkybutt."
Piper, also talking to Chet, Papa's cat - "He's talking smack about you. Are you gonna let him talk smack about you?!"
So many have asked me how I feel upon my return from Africa. I've struggled with verbalizing it. This isn't pretty or eloquent because my thoughts are neither of those. My thoughts work in lists most of the time.
Why I loved Africa:
~ silent nights
~ music without boundaries
~ black skies with views of the milky way
~ nshima and impwa
~ cool nights with the smell of coal/wood fires traveling though the air
~ little hands running through my "white hair"
~ chetenges
~ seeing it through 11 year old eyes
~ people who seem to have unending hope that things will get better
So how do I feel? I feel awakened. I feel awareness. From the moment I met my first local, I felt nothing but warmth and friendship. I had entered a reality where 25% of the adult population has HIV/AIDS and discovered what humanity can be. I felt connections. No more looking through hazy, screened windows to see the outline of things, but not the clear details. I can’t pretend I don’t know how the poorest of the poor live because I do. I can’t act like it's only on t.v. commercials that children go to bed hungry. I can’t ignore that my thoughts keep me up at night. I feel more than guilt for such an easy life, accessible food, clean water and abundance.
It is hard coming back to my world. It is hard coming back to a house where 5 people begrudgingly share a single bathroom. It was hard getting off a plane and into our gas guzzling truck and driving to our home where we would have electricity and a full refrigerator of food. Here, I complain about a small house, yard work, needing a “break” from my schedule or my kids; but my every basic need is met, with more luxuries than I can count.
So, with so much, how can my joy be incomplete? How is it that I can see true peace in one of the poorest countries in the world? I can't reconcile their lack of every basic need and the fullness in their lives. I’m not sure how to mix these worlds together. I don't know how to show Todd all that I’ve seen and all that my heart holds, or parent my kids without guilt. I'm trying to overcome the overwhelming desire to give it all away and go. I've left Africa but Africa hasn't left me.
Been home from Zambia for just over a week, but it feels a day or two. I haven't really caught my breath. I jumped right back into work less than 36 hours after getting home. Of course, the first day was a Monday, which means teaching, so day 1 back at work didn't end until about 10:00p.m. After work Tuesday, Piper & I (and friend Joy) traveled down to ISD for our annual speaking engagement on the Parent Panel, making day 2 back at work end about 11:00p.m. By Wednesday the jet lag was really catching up to me, as was what I have dubbed the African Mystery Rash. We mustered our way through a sudden death of an extended family member, softball practices and baseball games throughout the rest of the week, including 4 on Saturday and 4 on Sunday. VBS started last night and here it is Monday again. VBS and softball and baseball this week, culminating with hosting a baby shower for a dear friend and a birthday party for a dear daughter on Saturday. Sunday is an open house and welcome-home-from-Africa party. I seriously can't remember how I got here and in trying to find time to visit with a friend, I was looking to the 3rd week of July before I had free time!
I've been gathering my thoughts on Africa for a week now and am not sure how to express them - maybe tomorrow I'll try, but not yet. I miss it.
