I like neat. I like organized. I like decisions and action. When I can't work something out with someone, regardless of fault, I feel inadequate, sloppy, unproductive. Sometimes I find myself drawn into said communication breakdown without even expecting it and that doesn't fit in with my neatness frame of mind.
With some people, okay really one person, even asking questions or trying to engage in conversation often comes across as criticism or an attack. I like to be informed. When I care about someone, I want to know about them. Conversely, I would like to be important enough to this person that they want to tell me what's happening with them. This is an important relationship in my life, but has been an on-going struggle over the years. I can look back and see ways where I've grown in my ability to communicate over time. I'm not even close to perfect and I know it. However, I think I'm now better at letting things roll of my shoulders, at not becoming defensive and at talking instead of yelling. Even with this growth, I still cannot seem to word things so that they are perceived by this person the way that I intend them. The other see shades of gray in everything and I see some things as concretely black and white. Then it snowballs into a complete shutdown between us.
Where does that leave the relationship? Like a couple of ships just passing in the communication night. In a state of a lot of work and a lot of instability. In a deafeningly silent state at the moment.
"The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives." - Anthony Robbins
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