Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Brandon.
So I'm in the middle of this so-far-great book called Sundays at Tiffany's. In it, the main character Jane has an imaginary friend named Michael. Michael leaves Jane when she has her 9th birthday, as all imaginary friends are required to do. However, somehow, Jane never forgets him (which is ALWAYS supposed to happen) and she meets him again, 23 years later as an adult, while he is in between "assignments." Anyway, reading this book reminded me of the only imaginary friend that any of my children ever had, Brandon.
When Sis was about 4 years old, she started talking about Brandon. With her penchant for naming things (she once named a child sized fold out chair Princess and talked to it all the way through Wal-Mart and she still has a baby blanket named Roger), I didn't think too much of her talk of Brandon. But, as time went by, Sis and Brandon became "more than friends." In fact, she started introducing him as her boyfriend! We began to ask questions about Brandon and my fondest memories of him are recalling his characteristics, as described by a 4 year old: 21 years old, in kindergarten, yellow hair, blue eyes, drove a black sports car and lived in the drain of our bathtub. Yes, that's right. My daughter's first boyfriend lived down the drain... is that the 4 year old equivalent of a van down by the river? In fact, she became so adamant about his housing, that when she finished her baths each night, we'd have to leave the water in the tub until she went to sleep out of her hysterical fear that we'd drown Brandon if we drained the tub.
I don't know what happened to Brandon. It must not have been too traumatic of a break up because she just kind of stopped talking about him and enjoys laughing about it now. Her creative spirit still shows through in her outfit choices, naming of all belongings and belief in a magical bearded elf who bring presents once a year. It's just another example of what I love about my kids - they give me some of the best memories I've ever had!!
When Sis was about 4 years old, she started talking about Brandon. With her penchant for naming things (she once named a child sized fold out chair Princess and talked to it all the way through Wal-Mart and she still has a baby blanket named Roger), I didn't think too much of her talk of Brandon. But, as time went by, Sis and Brandon became "more than friends." In fact, she started introducing him as her boyfriend! We began to ask questions about Brandon and my fondest memories of him are recalling his characteristics, as described by a 4 year old: 21 years old, in kindergarten, yellow hair, blue eyes, drove a black sports car and lived in the drain of our bathtub. Yes, that's right. My daughter's first boyfriend lived down the drain... is that the 4 year old equivalent of a van down by the river? In fact, she became so adamant about his housing, that when she finished her baths each night, we'd have to leave the water in the tub until she went to sleep out of her hysterical fear that we'd drown Brandon if we drained the tub.
I don't know what happened to Brandon. It must not have been too traumatic of a break up because she just kind of stopped talking about him and enjoys laughing about it now. Her creative spirit still shows through in her outfit choices, naming of all belongings and belief in a magical bearded elf who bring presents once a year. It's just another example of what I love about my kids - they give me some of the best memories I've ever had!!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Communication Breakdown
There is a Led Zeppelin song "Communication Breakdown" that really says it well. "Communication breakdown, it's always the same. Havin' a nervous breakdown, a-drive me insane." Well, maybe not insane, but what do you do when you've got that person that you just don't seem to get it with? You try and try but even when you really have something you want to say it ends up expressed or received in the wrong way.
I like neat. I like organized. I like decisions and action. When I can't work something out with someone, regardless of fault, I feel inadequate, sloppy, unproductive. Sometimes I find myself drawn into said communication breakdown without even expecting it and that doesn't fit in with my neatness frame of mind.
With some people, okay really one person, even asking questions or trying to engage in conversation often comes across as criticism or an attack. I like to be informed. When I care about someone, I want to know about them. Conversely, I would like to be important enough to this person that they want to tell me what's happening with them. This is an important relationship in my life, but has been an on-going struggle over the years. I can look back and see ways where I've grown in my ability to communicate over time. I'm not even close to perfect and I know it. However, I think I'm now better at letting things roll of my shoulders, at not becoming defensive and at talking instead of yelling. Even with this growth, I still cannot seem to word things so that they are perceived by this person the way that I intend them. The other see shades of gray in everything and I see some things as concretely black and white. Then it snowballs into a complete shutdown between us.
Where does that leave the relationship? Like a couple of ships just passing in the communication night. In a state of a lot of work and a lot of instability. In a deafeningly silent state at the moment.
"The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives." - Anthony Robbins
I like neat. I like organized. I like decisions and action. When I can't work something out with someone, regardless of fault, I feel inadequate, sloppy, unproductive. Sometimes I find myself drawn into said communication breakdown without even expecting it and that doesn't fit in with my neatness frame of mind.
With some people, okay really one person, even asking questions or trying to engage in conversation often comes across as criticism or an attack. I like to be informed. When I care about someone, I want to know about them. Conversely, I would like to be important enough to this person that they want to tell me what's happening with them. This is an important relationship in my life, but has been an on-going struggle over the years. I can look back and see ways where I've grown in my ability to communicate over time. I'm not even close to perfect and I know it. However, I think I'm now better at letting things roll of my shoulders, at not becoming defensive and at talking instead of yelling. Even with this growth, I still cannot seem to word things so that they are perceived by this person the way that I intend them. The other see shades of gray in everything and I see some things as concretely black and white. Then it snowballs into a complete shutdown between us.
Where does that leave the relationship? Like a couple of ships just passing in the communication night. In a state of a lot of work and a lot of instability. In a deafeningly silent state at the moment.
"The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives." - Anthony Robbins
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