Consequences - a different look

Since the beginning, I've tried to teach my kids about consequences. That ALL actions and decisions have consequences. We often associate the word "consequence" with something bad, but truthfully, a consequence, by definition is simply something produced by a cause. Our actions and decisions are the cause and the result is the consequence. I want them to understand the word fully. Consequences can be bad, but they can also be good. 

It's a hard lesson to learn and even harder to watch it be learned. As a mom, you want to comfort, shelter, and protect them from things happening, but there are so many times when they learn so much more by experiencing a direct consequence for what they have chosen. Ugh, this parenting thing is a gut-wrencher sometimes!

In our house, the roughest part of this road is consequences that involve others, particularly others in the same said house. I think complicating teaching this lesson is my difficulty in grasping the concept of sibling relationships. I've got one brother who was in 2nd grade when I moved out of the house. I was more of a second mom to him than a sister. I spent a LOT of time around adults as a child too and so this whole sibling rivalry/friendship thing is completely foreign territory to me! 

So, in an attempt to nurture this among the Simpson kids, I've been reading about the idea of restitution consequences. The goal behind restitution consequences is to find ways to help “right the wrongs” while restoring the relationship. The message is: Relationships are valuable. When you mess them up, and you will, it’s important to reconnect. 

Having a child "say you're sorry" is smart and courteous, but it doesn't right the wrong. It doesn't teach remorse and reconciliation. Kids are smart, especially mine :-) They'll figure out what to say that they think will get them out of trouble! So, how do I try to implement restitution consequences? By having the child who is at fault (or both if it's mutual) reconcile the offense by doing a specific kindness for the other person - a note, making a mug of hot cocoa to share, taking over a chore... any small act of kindness or sacrifice. 

Brilliant, right? Yep, it will be even more so if it works! We're going to give it a try and see. With a 14 year old... yep, he's 14... I'm a little behind the game, but like I said, they're smart kids so I think it'll all turn out in the end.