- my oldest son is visiting colleges and starting his senior year
- my oldest daughter is getting her license and taking the next step in independence that I foolishly imagined as a remote possibility 15 years ago
- my youngest son just finished 6th grade, a year younger than all of his classmates, with straight A's
- my 2+ years with my 3 littlest girls, who have a huge piece of my heart, may be coming to an end soon
Yep, all of these have recently been giving me pause, consideration, and a figurative, emotional lump in my throat.
But this time it's literal. I've really got a lump in my throat.
A few blood tests, sonograms, scopes, and biopsies later, it's been determined that little lump is thyroid cancer and the little bugger has to come out.
Surgery is scheduled next week. But remarkably, I'm not nervous (yet). I've got plenty to organize and take care of before then to keep me busy. Plus, I'm placing my bets on a God with enough control over this situation that surgery will take care of everything and I won't need any radiation.
But even having that confidence, I suppose any time you are suddenly personally attached to the word cancer, things change. I know it's all mental, but it feels strange to be going about my day, looking fine, feeling fine, yet knowing there's this thing in you that doesn't belong. This thing that is doing you harm. This perspective-changing thing that feels dirty, invasive. This thing that makes you have hard conversations with your kids. This thing that makes you tell your story over and over, while trying to stay positive and secure.
No pity party needed or necessary.
No cheerleading required or requested.
So many people have it so much worse and I'm good.
Really.
Life is good.
This lump in my throat is just a bump in the road.
But this time it's literal. I've really got a lump in my throat.
A few blood tests, sonograms, scopes, and biopsies later, it's been determined that little lump is thyroid cancer and the little bugger has to come out.
Surgery is scheduled next week. But remarkably, I'm not nervous (yet). I've got plenty to organize and take care of before then to keep me busy. Plus, I'm placing my bets on a God with enough control over this situation that surgery will take care of everything and I won't need any radiation.
But even having that confidence, I suppose any time you are suddenly personally attached to the word cancer, things change. I know it's all mental, but it feels strange to be going about my day, looking fine, feeling fine, yet knowing there's this thing in you that doesn't belong. This thing that is doing you harm. This perspective-changing thing that feels dirty, invasive. This thing that makes you have hard conversations with your kids. This thing that makes you tell your story over and over, while trying to stay positive and secure.
No pity party needed or necessary.
No cheerleading required or requested.
So many people have it so much worse and I'm good.
Really.
Life is good.
This lump in my throat is just a bump in the road.
Beautifully written. I will pray for complete obliteration of that thyroid cancer.
ReplyDeleteYour perspective is honest and good...don't hesitate to ask for help. Lots of people will want to anyway.
A side bar of humor...my favorite med...Your photo looks textbook, you should consider selling it to a medical book company.
Tanya, I am sorry you are having to go through this, but it is very doable. I've had cancer twice, been through chemo and radiation and am still here. AND, leaning on God and keeping a positive attitude will make the process ever so much easier. Will be praying for you and hoping everything goes very smoothly!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear this, you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I will include you with my prayer warriors group. You are such a positive person you will get through this just fine. I have two friends who have had this same thing and there positive attitudes and support group brought them through wonderfully. It will be the same for you. God is good, he loves you and will give you strength, comfort and peace. I am hear for whatever you may need please let me know how I can help in whatever you may need.
ReplyDeleteThis just made it so much more real. I'm crying :(. You are and have always been such an inspiration to me! Love you!!
ReplyDeleteIt gives me great peace knowing that you are a child of God and you put your trust and faith in Him. He is bigger than cancer! I will pray for you. You are in good hands!
ReplyDeleteYou will handle whatever comes with power and grace.
ReplyDeleteThough our paths haven't crossed for awhile now, you are being lifted up in prayer. Thankful for the good report from surgery. Praying for you as you heal, and that you feel His presence as He walks you through this.
ReplyDelete