The current normal

You know 40... you kinda suck. I was doing just fine at 39...


So surgery #2 happened last week and went well. **Interesting side note: according to billing and insurance, I had an organ transplant during surgery! Sometimes your parathyroids grow into your thyroid, which mine had. When removing my thyroid, 2 of my parathyroids came out with it. The doc reinserted and attached them and it was all coded as an organ transplant. 

I also found out I now have valvey veins, which apparently isn't all that copacetic with IVs. One successful IV was started around 1:15pm and decided it was done around 2:00am - 3 attempts and 2 nurses later... success at 3:00am! 

So far, surgery recovery has been the easy part. Pain is minimal and while I've still got some swelling, I'm healing well. However, I feel like I have the flu... all the time! Foggy brain, motion sickness and waves of nausea, trouble with my vision, and tired, oh-so-tired. 

So normal right now is yuck. Like, for real, yuck. I know it's all healing from 2 surgeries in 12 days and medication regulation and stuff, so it's not the new normal, but it is the current normal and I'm already over it ;-) 

Thank you for all of the amazing prayer support and meal preparation that has been gifted to us - we are truly blessed!

Next up: follow up with surgeon on Wednesday for official release for vacation (I'm convinced it's gonna happen folks!). A restful, relaxing vacation, then start the next phase of treatment... 

God is good.

Life is good.

I am good. 

but cancer sucks.

Moving forward, but a slight direction change...

We're still moving forward, but the direction has changed a bit. I had my surgical follow up on Tuesday and it went well. My incision is healing nicely and I feel pretty good. Pathology was backed up at the hospital, so the results from my other biopsies weren't in yet. 

When I called on Thursday to check again, the nurse told me that my results were in and the surgeon would call me back. At that point I knew there was a problem - this is exactly what happened last time. "The doctor would like to speak with you about your results." Fast forward 6 hours and I finally got the call.

I took the conservative approach and had only the tumor and surrounding tissue removed, but cancer is not conservative. It decided it wanted to spread it's wings into the rest of my thyroid and surrounding tissues. So, I'll be heading back in on Tuesday for another, more invasive surgery to remove everything else that is showing cancerous cells. 

But this will be it. I am confident. I am resting on an already answered prayer - one for clarity in decisions for treatment moving forward. Can't get more clear than where I am now. My options are few and the plan is pretty set now. Surgery. Radioactive iodine treatment. Replacement thyroid hormone. Becoming life long friends with an endocrinologist!

If you want to pray or send good vibes, I have 2 primary requests:

1. For my family - There are 7 more people who are being drastically impacted by cancer and the change in my abilities/role over the past couple of weeks.
2. For vacation - I know it sounds petty, but we have a long awaited dream vacation for the kids planned and we are supposed to be leaving on June 30th for 10 days. I would love nothing more than to be able to go on this trip.

And with all of that said, I stand by what I said in my last post:

God is good.

Life is good.

I am good.

Moving forward

Surgery is done and the cancerous lump is gone! Everything went as planned (with the exception of my sudden panic when my anesthesiologist hobbled in, seemingly about 90 and hunchback.... but he did his job and did it well!).

I was able to keep part of my thyroid that was still healthy. With a low risk of recurrence and pretty clear margins, the surgeon was confident in leaving a portion there. This means no synthetic hormone replacement for now, which is awesome news! 

Pathology could still tell a different story that wasn't visible to the surgeon's eye, but for now, I'll take it!

The worst part, day 1, was the awful turtleneck bandage! They used lidocaine at the incision and biopsy spots, so while I had a sore throat from the breathing tube, overall pain wasn't bad. Today, the numbness has worn off so the discomfort is a bit more, but manageable.

The redness is my allergy to the bandage adhesive and the small dots are all places where additional biopsies where taken. 

Follow up on Tuesday for pathology, so until then, soft foods and rest! 

God is good.

Life is good.

I am good.

Lump in my throat

I'd love to tell you that I've got a lump in my throat because

• my oldest son is visiting colleges and starting his senior year
• my oldest daughter is getting her license and taking the next step in independence that I foolishly imagined as a remote possibility 15 years ago
• my youngest son just finished 6th grade, a year younger than all of his classmates, with straight A's
• my 2+ years with my 3 littlest girls, who have a huge piece of my heart, may be coming to an end soon

Yep, all of these have recently been giving me pause, consideration, and a figurative, emotional lump in my throat.

But this time it's literal. I've really got a lump in my throat.

A few blood tests, sonograms, scopes, and biopsies later, it's been determined that little lump is thyroid cancer and the little bugger has to come out.

Surgery is scheduled next week. But remarkably, I'm not nervous (yet). I've got plenty to organize and take care of before then to keep me busy. Plus, I'm placing my bets on a God with enough control over this situation that surgery will take care of everything and I won't need any radiation.

But even having that confidence, I suppose any time you are suddenly personally attached to the word cancer, things change. I know it's all mental, but it feels strange to be going about my day, looking fine, feeling fine, yet knowing there's this thing in you that doesn't belong. This thing that is doing you harm. This perspective-changing thing that feels dirty, invasive. This thing that makes you have hard conversations with your kids. This thing that makes you tell your story over and over, while trying to stay positive and secure.

No pity party needed or necessary.
No cheerleading required or requested.
So many people have it so much worse and I'm good.
Really.
Life is good.

This lump in my throat is just a bump in the road.