Merry Christmas, indeed.

I don't like a lot of stuff. Don't read that wrong - I don't mean I don't like many things, because there are millions of things that I like, daresay, love. What I do not like is stuff, as in clutter, as in overabundance, as in indulgence. I am a purger. I like to throw things away, sometimes to a fault I'll admit. But come on, if you haven't used it in "x" amount of time, release it. If it loves you it will come back, right?!? hah. This becomes a point of contention between the hubs and I, as he is a keeper. Actually, truth be told, he is a stacker. He loves piles and stacks. He loves to keep anything he might someday want to look at again, regardless of its usefulness.

However, we have come to an agreement on "stuff" in certain capacities. Our revelation came about 4 years ago. Amidst the piles and scads of new clothing, toys and gadgets, I sat in the middle of my living room floor literally crying and wondering what I was teaching my kids by giving them so much stuff. Was I teaching them how blessed they were or how spoiled they were? Was I teaching them to find joy in giving or to ask for whatever they wanted and expect to get it? Was I teaching them that they already had infinitely more than so many others their age or that there was always room for more in their lives? Was I teaching them entitlement or the value of work? I had my moment of clarity and said 'Enough!!'

The following year, we limited the kids to 3 gifts from us. We forewarned them and backed up our decision not only by telling them all of the aforementioned thoughts in their mother's head, but also pointing out that Baby Jesus received 3 documented gifts and he had to wait about a year or two to get them! :) I also told them that in order to get new gifts, they have to purge the old. They are required to get rid of some toys each year, which we like to donate to local daycare centers. We have followed that practice since then, with fantastic buy-in from the kids.

Three years later (meaning this year), the kids opened their least amount of overall gifts yet! Maybe you can blame it on the economy or the fact that they are getting harder to shop for as they get pickier and older, but I'm pretending it's that the extended family is buying into our philosophy! :) They did receive more cash this year than usual, but that's okay, because they have to save 1/2 of any money they receive as a gift. In fact, Sis told me this year that she isn't planning to ask for anything next year because she'd rather buy for others than get her own gifts. (yes, you can insert an "awwww" here)

Seeing maturity and growth in your children = A Merry Christmas, indeed.


Overheard at our house:
Ryder - "Mom, have you ever showered with Dad?"
Me - "Well, actually, yes, I have."
Ryder - "Good, because I was going to tell you to try it sometime because it's really fun to shower with another person!"

Wordless Wednesday

Overheard at our house:
Beebo - "Mom, I do have a super power. I can spell all of the colors."

Wordless Wednesday

Childhood Memories

According to my dad, this one's too good not to share. So, dad, this one's for you! :)

Last week, the hubs & I were working on the living room ceiling (oh, have I forgotten to tell you about the ceiling debacle at our house and that we cannot show our house right now because we had a contractor-gone-wrong in October situation that we are still trying to fix?) on Thanksgiving night. I was talking about Black Friday (a date you couldn't pay me to shop on!) and how it seems to be so much more now than it was when I was younger. I justified that statement by saying that my grandma and I would always shop on that day and I don't remember crazy store hours, horrid lines and general current day Black Friday madness. Of course, that's not the end of the story, because I'm a woman, therefore I'm spaghetti. I started reminiscing about that tradition with my grandma. It went a little something like this:
My grandfather would save his pocket change in a jar all year long and on Thanksgiving each year, he'd present me with the money and tell me to buy my parents a nice Christmas present with it (a fantastic tradition that my dad now carries on with my kids). Mom & dad would leave and I would stay overnight. I would sleep in my dad's old bedroom with the reddish-pink carpet, putting my stuff in the dresser and moving in for the night. Being the nerd that I was/am, I would often lie in bed reading or doing cross-stitch before falling asleep. The next morning, "Black Friday", grandma would get up early and make blueberry pancakes - with fresh blueberries and blueberry syrup from Ely. Then we'd head out for the day, buying presents for mom & dad, always stopping for lunch at Steak n Shake and finishing up at K-Mart where we'd buy a little bag of fake coal and some Old Spice for my grandpa.

At this point, I'm feeling all nostalgic and warm and fuzzy. Then I hear Sis say, from the dining room, "Wow, it must be nice to have good childhood memories." REALLY?!? So I fire back "Are you saying you have no happy childhood memories?" She replies, "Not really." I say "You mean, you can't remember anything good so far in your life?" And she closes up the conversation with "Well, I guess when I found out I was getting a little girl cousin, that was nice, but that's really it."

Boy, nothing makes you feel like a quality parent than having your kids tell you their childhood so far has sucked. Maybe I'll skip Christmas this year, I mean, I wouldn't want to give them any reason to actually enjoy their lives, right?

Overheard at Grammy's house:
Sis: "Wy, you'll understand why it takes so long to get ready when you're a grown woman."

Wordless Wednesday

Brandon.

So I'm in the middle of this so-far-great book called Sundays at Tiffany's. In it, the main character Jane has an imaginary friend named Michael. Michael leaves Jane when she has her 9th birthday, as all imaginary friends are required to do. However, somehow, Jane never forgets him (which is ALWAYS supposed to happen) and she meets him again, 23 years later as an adult, while he is in between "assignments." Anyway, reading this book reminded me of the only imaginary friend that any of my children ever had, Brandon.

When Sis was about 4 years old, she started talking about Brandon. With her penchant for naming things (she once named a child sized fold out chair Princess and talked to it all the way through Wal-Mart and she still has a baby blanket named Roger), I didn't think too much of her talk of Brandon. But, as time went by, Sis and Brandon became "more than friends." In fact, she started introducing him as her boyfriend! We began to ask questions about Brandon and my fondest memories of him are recalling his characteristics, as described by a 4 year old: 21 years old, in kindergarten, yellow hair, blue eyes, drove a black sports car and lived in the drain of our bathtub. Yes, that's right. My daughter's first boyfriend lived down the drain... is that the 4 year old equivalent of a van down by the river? In fact, she became so adamant about his housing, that when she finished her baths each night, we'd have to leave the water in the tub until she went to sleep out of her hysterical fear that we'd drown Brandon if we drained the tub.

I don't know what happened to Brandon. It must not have been too traumatic of a break up because she just kind of stopped talking about him and enjoys laughing about it now. Her creative spirit still shows through in her outfit choices, naming of all belongings and belief in a magical bearded elf who bring presents once a year. It's just another example of what I love about my kids - they give me some of the best memories I've ever had!!

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

Communication Breakdown

There is a Led Zeppelin song "Communication Breakdown" that really says it well. "Communication breakdown, it's always the same. Havin' a nervous breakdown, a-drive me insane." Well, maybe not insane, but what do you do when you've got that person that you just don't seem to get it with? You try and try but even when you really have something you want to say it ends up expressed or received in the wrong way.

I like neat. I like organized. I like decisions and action. When I can't work something out with someone, regardless of fault, I feel inadequate, sloppy, unproductive. Sometimes I find myself drawn into said communication breakdown without even expecting it and that doesn't fit in with my neatness frame of mind.

With some people, okay really one person, even asking questions or trying to engage in conversation often comes across as criticism or an attack. I like to be informed. When I care about someone, I want to know about them. Conversely, I would like to be important enough to this person that they want to tell me what's happening with them. This is an important relationship in my life, but has been an on-going struggle over the years. I can look back and see ways where I've grown in my ability to communicate over time. I'm not even close to perfect and I know it. However, I think I'm now better at letting things roll of my shoulders, at not becoming defensive and at talking instead of yelling. Even with this growth, I still cannot seem to word things so that they are perceived by this person the way that I intend them. The other see shades of gray in everything and I see some things as concretely black and white. Then it snowballs into a complete shutdown between us.

Where does that leave the relationship? Like a couple of ships just passing in the communication night. In a state of a lot of work and a lot of instability. In a deafeningly silent state at the moment.

"The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives." - Anthony Robbins

Recent Realizations

I have a husband who is 20 pounds lighter than he was last month & he makes me proud.
1st year clarinet and 2nd year saxaphone do not always make beautiful music.
Lasik revision surgery is not as easy as the initial surgery.
I enjoy changing my hair color.
Visiting Zambians make your heart miss Africa all over again.
I love fall even more when my utility bill comes.
Girls like boys earlier than boys like girls.
Christmas is 60 days away and my gift spreadsheet is only 1/2 done.

Congratulations

At Beebo's football game yesterday, I overheard the woman next to me talking about how it was her parents' 35th wedding anniversary. Her parents arrived at the game shortly thereafter and the couple she had been talking with said, "Congratulations!"

This struck me as weird. At first congratulations just didn't seem appropriate for an anniversary wish. I think of 'congratulations' as the right word for weddings, graduations, promotions, new babies... you know, at the start of something new or upon a great accomplishment. So I started thinking, is that really how we view successful years of marriage - an accomplishment?

Maybe we should put more weight on it and view it as an accomplishment. After all, statistics speak for themselves: 41% of first marriages, 60% of second marriages and 73% of third marriages in the U.S. end in divorce (according to the CDC). Maybe we've gotten to those statistics by viewing the wedding as the accomplishment, but not the marriage. I think too many people view marriage as an event in their life. In reality, the wedding is the event and marriage is a lifetime accomplishment.

Realistically, it becomes even more of an accomplishment if you look backward. I think the phrase "til death to us part" became part of the traditional wedding vow in 1662. Was staying together until death a great feat? Life expectancy was short. Plagues and war took many lives, and nearly 50% of women died in childbirth. Therefore, promising to stay together until death was a fairly safe bet. 'Til death do us part' today could mean upwards of 60 years. That's a lot of years of toenail clipping and dirty laundry!

Marriage is work - sticking out those annoying habits of someone else is hard. Harder still is seeing your own annoying habits in the mirror that is your spouse. But, just like with any job you work hard at, the returns usually outweigh the effort. So I guess instead of saying 'Happy Anniversary', I'm going to start saying 'Congratulations!' every year and totally mean it.

Wordless Wednesday

10-4 good buddy

It's hard to imagine what it was like before it was us, when it was just me. 13 years, 3 kids, 4 homes and a few scars later - it's still pretty sweet.

In the beginning, I was an adorable, little 15 year old who asked a mutual friend to introduce me to that cute guy outside my Latin classroom.

Then came a 4 year gap, I often say because he found other girls who, unlike me, would let him touch their butts ;) Funny how God brings you back to where He wants you, even when you aren't listening to Him... I was wooed across 2 states by this guy who couldn't remember how to spell my name, but made me laugh and loved music and food as much as I did.

19 years after that initial meeting, he's still cute, still makes me laugh and still loves food and music as much as I do, maybe more. More importantly these days, he loves Jesus, loves me and loves our kids.

So in honor of our 13th 10-4 and our first official dance as Simpsons:
I, I'm so in love with you
Whatever you want to do
Is all right with me
'Cause you make me feel so brand new
And I want to spend my life with you

Since, since we've been together
Loving you forever
Is what I need
Let me be the one you come running to
I'll never be untrue

Let's, let's stay together
Lovin' you whether, whether
Times are good or bad, happy or sad

Whether times are good or bad, happy or sad

Why, why some people break up
Then turn around and make up
I just can't see
You'd never do that to me
Staying around you is all I see

Let's, we oughta stay together
Loving you whether, whether
Times are good or bad, happy or sad

Wordless Wednesday

I get it....

Thanks to a (ahem) gentle reminder from a friend or two this weekend, I am renewing a committment to posting here. You know, it's not that I actually haven't had time, I can always make time, 'cuz who needs sleep? It's just that some days, I think it's pretty status quo around here and there's nothing profound or share worthy to write about.

So what's been going on?...
I had a lovely visit with a boy I am head over heels about. His name is Vernon and he came all the way from Denmark to meet me. He is fantastic - long legs, beautiful smooth skin, luscious little lips and a baby fresh smelling head! I can't wait to watch this little guy grow and it was so much fun to see how in love his momma and dad are with him too!

Captain Fearbeard turned 6! Yep, the last of the 5 year olds have come and gone in this house - bittersweet. He's fully into those size 7 clothes we got, riding a 20 inch bike and wearing a size 2.5 shoe. There is not a stitch of that chubby, bald baby in sight anymore. We had a Friday night party with fabulous weather. I say a birthday party with a pirate theme and swords with only one child bleeding is a pretty swell success!!

Football season is in full swing. While I can't even come close to winning at my football picks each week, I picked a pretty great Red Dragon team to root for! It's been really cool to watch how much these boys who have played together for 4 years are really starting to come into the game and play wisely. Wy's loving it, as usual.

The Zambians are here! I was encouraged to see people picking up sponsorship of some of the student leaders at the college and we had the opportunity to start ours up too. We had a great time hanging with them on Sunday and Monday. Can't wait to see them again in October and give them a bunch of snaps to take home. I'll post more about their visit to the school when I've got pictures to accompany because my words can't do it justice. It was amazing, reciprocally amazing.

Overheard at our house:
Piper: "I have a boyfriend now, but today he got expelled from school. If he ever gets to come back, I'm totally telling him I'm breaking up with him."

That boy!

Oh, that boy! He's got charm. He's got wit. He's got faith. He's got the softest heart. I am so thankful that he walks his talk. What a stand up guy. Oh Lord, I pray that You continue to grow this attribute in him and that you would use him to better teach it to the rest of us!

Example? His teacher's known him for 2 weeks and is singing his praises. She shared this with me during email correspondence last week:
"I also wanted to let you know how THRILLED I am to have Wyatt in class. He is by far one of the neatest and kindest children I have ever had the opportunity to teach. I feel like I have learned so much from him already. I have to share a sweet "Wyatt Story"... After giving their speeches for class president Wyatt congratulated the other little girl that spoke. He told her that she did a great job and that he was going to vote for her. In our class of 24, she received 2 votes... I just believe hers and Wyatt's. There are thousands moments like this one where Wyatt's kind heart shines through and I just feel so honored that I get to work with him this year!"

Overheard at our house this week:
Ryder - "You don't need balance. You just need awesomeness."

Funklessness

So it's been just shy of a month since I last posted - why? A funk, plain and simple. But I'm happy to announce I'm pretty much funkless. There have been many weights on my shoulders since June - Zambia, jobs, finances, parenting, health, houses. And while they're not lifted, I'm sharing the load and asking others for prayer support - those of you who know who you are, I thank you and covet this.

My most recent parenting conundrum: In July, I got a call from the director of Camp Michindoh about Sis. He said that both of her implants weren't working and he didn't know what to do. Ugh. Trouble shooting over the phone from 6 hours away with someone who didn't even know what a cochlear implant was before meeting Sis! They were writing messages on paper to communicate with her since they didn't know sign.

Through some trial and error, I figured out that the first problem was that the ear hooks were on the wrong implant. Since each implant only "talks" with a specific internal device, they can't be mixed up. We switched and got the left one working. In the mean time, it came to light that the right one was actually broken, as in more pieces than it left our house in. Once that one was working, she said she was willing to try to stay the last 3 days of camp, using just the left side. Her left side is so much weaker that I wondered if she would make it through, but she did!

When she got home and I got a real look at the right side processor and some much needed conversation with her, the real story came to light. It wasn't just it "broke", it got thrown! It seems she was having a bad hair day and was frustrated so she took it off and threw it onto the concrete floor in her cabin. Yikes! Concrete and plastic housing to a ear level computer processing is not a jolly combination. It's really broken.

The full cost for replacement and mapping of her processor is about $5800. I was stuck with how to teach her the full extent of her actions. Even being a very bright10 years old, can she really grasp how much money that is?!? How do I teach this child to better vent her anger and frustration? She faces more of it on a daily level with simple communication breakdown than we can imagine. How much of this do I chalk up to her being "different"? How much is okay to "get by with" for that reason? None? Some? Most? I've spent 10 years telling her she can do everything that anyone else does, but can she truly? There's not much more that can make you feel like you are failing as a parent than to have no ideas on how to help your child cope.

We are fighting with the insurance company at present to help with the replacement/repair costs, which they are denying due to it being a non-medical necessity. Even if they do approve, it won't be the full amount, but any amount is a help. And Sis is working odd jobs for $5/hour to help pay for some of the costs - icky jobs like pulling weeds, cleaning up after animals, scraping paint. Any money she earns, she puts into an envelope to help defer costs. Beyond that, I'm at a loss as to a long term action plan to help her. Does it always just have to be one day at a time? Oh, how I love a good plan, but right now I guess it does.

Wordless Wednesday

Wordful Wednesday

I wish I knew how to enact long term balance. I think I'm really good at balancing for a while, and then there comes a point when I end up overwhelmed. From there I end up grumpy and somewhat resentful that I'm so worried, tired, overbooked and overwhelmed. Then I end up enacting measures to save the world from me and my bad attitude, which can be equally as stressful and tiring, but more often lonely! Sigh.

I'm just working through my return from Africa when my body decides to take a dump on me, a windshield breaks, a rear car hatch breaks, a cochlear implant breaks, a child has more medical procedures, an air conditioning unit breaks, a job opportunity goes sour, family hurts. I feel like Sisyphus. This is my life, like a skipping record (for those of you too young to remember records, I apologize, but feel strangely sorry for you too!).

I'm not questioning trials (maybe I'm just not rejoicing in them enough?) but come on - doesn't there seriously have to be a break sometime? Truly God has a point here, but after 12 years, it would seem He would have made it by now! I want to scream at Him to show me what I'm missing in all this - I must be an Israelite in modern skin because I just don't get it! I'm fairly certain the feeling of frustration is mutual between God & I.

Wordless Wednesday

So, this is what summer is like...

Gosh, it's hard to believe that I haven't posted yet this week not because I've been too busy, but because it's been a slow week, with not much to share! With only 2 ball games, teaching, a doc appointment, hair cuts, board meeting and Todd umpiring - we have 2 free evenings! Both of the oldest have finished their baseball & softball for this summer. Both of them loved playing ball this summer, even if neither one had the 1st place team - they learned a lot and Sis can't wait for the new season to start in September! They leave for camp next Monday & Beebo will have us all to himself. He's quite excited about that, but did tell Wy "I can't believe you are leaving me for a week again!" He really does luv his big bro.

Only 4 weeks left of this quarter teaching HR Management - my favorite class to teach. Next quarter I'm teaching Intro to Business. I like teaching that too, but beginning students are often different than those students who are nearing the end of their degree and have often developed good study and participation habits. The entry level classes can be like pulling teeth to get those freshmen to participate! Good thing I like challenges :)

Yesterday I went to the doctor to make sure I'm still cancer free and get some bloodwork done. Results should be in tomorrow. The best part of this appointment was running into a good friend & hubby who are nearing the end of their pregnancy. They were also there for an appointment. I told them I was there to go to their appointment with them and hear all about the sono report... it was fun briefly while she totally bought it! Here's to an easy last week of pregnancy and delivery HW & RW! Can't wait to meet AEW!!

Week in Review

If our life was a magazine, this week's cover tag lines would look like this:
Simpsons - off the market!
What's that rash?
Want a slug free garden - here's how!
Buy glasses for 3 children and not go broke!
5 year olds - what can you do?!
How well can you keep secrets?


Fun, huh? You should try it with your life.
So, yes, we took our house off the market. I hate everything about that, but it's just not moving and it's too much work to keep it "show" quality. I've begrudgingly resigned myself to living here indefinitely :(

On a happier note, my Mystery African Rash has finally started clearing up. It only took 13 days AFTER I stopped my medication to go away. Let me tell you how nice it is not to wear turtlenecks in the summertime!!

The slugs seem to have dissipated. Oh, did I forget to tell you about those? Ooey gooey slimey slugs infested my front yard while I was in Africa. Todd & I went on slug sprees 2 nights in a row. Apparently they love night time, hostas and beer. One of those things does not sustain slug life - I'll let you guess which one. Now I'm not a mean person and I love God's creatures but I have found that I do not so much love greenery devouring slugs. So, I fed them beer and they seem to be gone.

After a visit to the eye doctor, it was discovered that all 3 kids need glasses... all for different reasons. Sis has had them for a year, but her prescription changed significantly so we needed new lenses. Both boys needed them - one for distance, one for close up. Gulp. 3 prescriptions?!? Wal-mart Optical Center to the rescue! I walked out with new Transitions lenses for Sis and full lenses and frames for both boys for under $200! yay me!

5 year old boys are challenging. He has what I have dubbed Extreme Boynergy. He moves constantly. He makes noises. He is dirty. He loves bodily functions. But he's also the baby... so, being a semi-only/oldest child myself, can I ask - does being the youngest automatically mean (insert annoying whiny voice here) "IT'S NOT FAIR!"? "it" being anything and everything of course. NOTHING is his fault. EVERYONE provokes him. Although, I will admit, he is clever... "I'm not eating candy & hiding the wrappers under my bed - I'm feeding the monster under my bed so he won't eat me" and that makes me laugh which ultimately saves him from being devoured by an angry mother.

And then this blog - I want to journal everything, but I can't because people actually read this. Sometimes I want to share possibilities and ask opinions, sometimes I want to vent about things, sometimes I just want. Eh, maybe someday.


Overheard at Grammy & Papa's house:
Papa talking to Chet, his cat - "Hi Stinkybutt."
Piper, also talking to Chet, Papa's cat - "He's talking smack about you. Are you gonna let him talk smack about you?!"

Wordless Wednesday